Alpha Female

Tenang, postingan kali ini ga akan berisi tulisan mengenai puja-puji pada diri sendiri, tapi yaa nanti aku serahkan kalian masing-masing lah gimana nilainya.

Menjadi wanita adalah keuntungan, karena alam (mungkin) lebih berpihak pada kita lewat pekanya perasaan sekaligus kemampuan untuk menimba wawasan sepadan dengan lelaki. Di jaman emansipasi gini, wanita udah sadar banget akan posisinya yang istimewa dan bisa manfaatin dengan sangat baik. Kami, khususnya aku, bertekad untuk jadi kaum terpelajar dan buktiin sama society kalo wanita tuh bisa mandiri dengan usahanya sendiri. Tumbuh di kalangan terpelajar, aku jaga pergaulan secara demikian dan berpendirian kalo bodoh itu nular sementara pendidikan perlu diperjuangkan. Dengan teknologi yang semakin berkembang dan derasnya aliran informasi dari berbagai penjuru, I feel so blessed with the opportunity to life in this era. Internet kasih kemudahan buat belajar banyak tiap hari bahkan di tiap menitnya, bahkan gak jarang hal ini bikin kita ngerasa adiguna. Beberapa wanita (ehem, aku juga) dengan pengetahuan luas dan filosofi hidup yang dalam, menyadari misi untuk mencapai kehidupan yang lebih baik dan memiliki modal yang memadai untuk mencapai kesuksesan. Secara psikologis, wanita bisa mengelola stress lebih baik daripada lelaki. Jadi bisa dipastiin kalo wanita dengan ambisi akan terlihat berbahaya bagi lelaki sekalipun. Ternyata fenomena ini dikenal dengan istilah Alpha Female, selanjutnya aku sebut dengan al-fe.

Seringkali aku mendapati diri ga gampang tertarik sama lawan jenis karena menilai lelaki lebih pada tingkat intelejensi yang sepadan atau lebih tinggi. Dalam suatu hubungan, wanita jenis ini lebih bersikap layaknya dominatrix. Err, it wasn’t based on my relationship yaa tapi secara general, female alpha merasa perlu untuk selalu memegang kendali dalam hubungan di atas lelaki.

Second, lack of female friends. Aku sih bukannya gak punya temen cewek, tapi ga ada yang bisa dibilang beneran deket. Kebanyakan wanita akan punya sahabat yang siap sedia dalam keadaan nangis berhari-hari ataupun foya-foya, you must treasure best friends for the rest of your live! Nah repotnya, al-fe  ga ngerasa punya masalah yang begitu berat hingga dia harus minta bantuan orang lain, dan ngerasa bahwa bahagia adalah hasil dari jerih payahnya sendiri, jadi dia nggak ngerasa perlu banget membagi perasaan itu ke orang lain. Perlu diketahui bahwa al-fe bukan tipe yang suka ikut campur urusan orang lain dan lebih menghindari bergosip karena ngerasa itu waste of time, jadi ga suka cerita tentang masalah pribadi juga. Kalo maksut aku sih (mungkin) baik, biar ga ada orang ngomongin jelek soalnya aku ga mau diomongin jelek juga. See? This is much more complicated than you think! ._.

Third, cherish live at it’s fullest. Al-fes are strongly against boundaries. Kami punya keyakinan “so many things to do in this limited time” so, this kind of woman have an urge to be successful as soon as possible then she can enjoy her wealth in proper ways. She really knows her standard and pursuing her dream. Dan ga ada seorang pun yang paham kecuali dia. Jadi, ketika seorang ngomong nggak boleh atau nggak mungkin pada passion al-fe, seketika dia jadi defensif dan mendebat argumen itu sampai orang itu ngaku salah atau argumen dia sendiri terpatahkan. Just because she wants to prove whether that person is wrong or s/he have more intellegence and wisdom. Kenapa? Karena setiap argumen al-fe sudah melewati berbagai pertimbangan logika dan prinsip yang dia pegang teguh. Begitu keras kepalanya wanita ini, bahkan dia mampu mengabaikan rasa sensitif dan menumpulkan hati demi terasahnya logika yang ia pikir lebih dapat diandalkan untuk survive. Di sinilah aku ngaku salah...

All my life I’ve been proud of myself, karena ngerasa udah bisa ngelihat dalam berbagai sudut pandang dan merencanakan berbagai hal dalam jangka panjang. Bahkan dengan simulasi pikiran yang rumit, aku bisa kasih pertimbangan pro-kontra dan tindakan preventif untuk mencegah hal yang ga diinginkan. But you know? It’s only in my mind. My mind being so busy but my heart become dull. Akalku mencari cara untuk menghindarkan hati dari terluka tanpa menyadari bahwa hati sudah terlalu berdebu. Gelasku terlalu penuh untuk menerima pandangan baru yang tidak sesuai prinsipku. Jika dapat ditarik satu kesimpulan,semua perilakuku selama ini bermuara pada kesombongan. Kalau aku umpamakan orang dengan buku, maka orang sombong tak lebih dari sekedar buku yang tertutup. Tak peduli betapa banyak hal hebat yang dikandungnya, tak peduli betapa tebalnya ia akan pilihan kata nomor wahid, buku yang tertutup tidak ada gunanya.

Hari ini aku disadarkan bahwa cara belajar paling baik adalah membuka diri akan segala kemungkinan dan memberikan apresiasi pada apa dan siapa saja. Hari ini aku belajar bahwa obat kesombongan adalah memberikan pelayanan pada sesuatu yang bukan bidangku, sesuatu yang baru atau aku tidak begitu suka melakukannya. Melakukan segala hal bodoh yang dicegah oleh pikiranku yang terlalu rumit memikirkan apa konsekuensi yang akan kutanggung nantinya. Mungkin aku akan terjatuh, mungkin aku akan terluka, dan aku perlu kasih diriku kesempatan untuk merasakan itu. That is sound so bizzare for me, karena aku terlalu takut jika hidup tidak sesuai ekspektasiku. “It is true life would not be as you expected, but it will be greater!” he said.

Because life is what’s going on when you busy making plans. Life is what you’ve been missed when you argue about what is right.

I learn this from my partner, whom I look at as a misunderstood person that have experienced many bad things going on around him and how he depend on person who care for him because his lack of attention. I look down on him so much that I feel didn't deserve his affection for all this time. I know this is sound cheesy, but I really can feel God presence inside him, and that’s why I’m fallen for him. But sometimes I forget to accept his humanity and demand spiritual guide all the time, I've been so selfish indeed. After all, a misguided God is the one who needs hug the most..

Bukan, partner saya bukan yang ini~

PS: When I talk about someone, I make it tricky for them to understand. But if they do, they deserve my respect. It is my nature, pardon.

Pardon, but I really should write about Tom

It all happens on a Haloween night when I was on theatre,and I saw the man...

I know how it will sound crazy but never, in entire life, I experience an eager much closely to madness because of a certain person. It’s been five day since then and I know, at this point I got to do something to stop. Which is come to vain, successfully. Then I would like to do something as thor-o-py, GAWD WOULD YOU JUST STAHP, I mean therapy to relieve my anxiety of this one fine man called Thomas Hiddleston.

I found more complexity for just describing him, or how he has affecting my life for this past five days, but still I should move on. I saw him for the first time at Thor (2011)

Shhhhh

and by that time I thought he couldn’t play the Loki character as we all imagined: God of mischief and tricks. Why? His innocent look at the first scene, I mean as a villain he’s having too much innocent look. But later I realize it was one of his tricks. He portrays the Loki character beautifully almost heartbreaking, no wonder Loki get so much sympathy than any other protagonist there. In the end of the movie, I still known that man as Loki..

Then the Avengers era come. Bunch of superheroes packed in one frame, there’s enough room for Tony Stark ego and everyone else! Here Loki appears as bad antagonist, so bad that it takes all that superheroes to stop him ruling the world. At that time I know this man is a brilliant actor, he just blend in so well we could’ve believe in everything he said. But that was not enough to moved me for searching for who the hell he is, well admit that I was hard to impress. And quite some time passed by, I continue with my life..

And there goes Benedict Cumberbatch Era! Oh yes, I should  include him in this post. He gives quite great impression, until now I still adore his voice and uncommon looks for sure. His first brilliant appearance I notice is on Sherlock (2010) and by that time he affects my curiosity of his filmography and found that undoubtedly he’s an astonishing actor, one of a kind. There’s no other compare to this British man. And so it goes, I keep tracing his movies such as Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) and War Horse (2011) directed by Stephen Spielberg. That last I mentioned is a great movies set on World War I and here, ladies and gents, I met this man Tom Hiddleston.

Now I see his name in credit, his appearance is consider short, about 10 or 15 minutes in total but affect me so well. If not about his charming, good looking, and that British accent, I wouldn’t have notice him. He was play as Capt. Nicholls who adopted the main character, a horse called Joey, to serve him at the war. He played a nice,tall,blonde captain which is not Loki at all who is playful,dark,with long sleek black hair. Pretty impressive that I forgot of Mr. Cumberbatch who brought me watch the movie.

Later I find out that he could dance very well, thanks to my twitter following who are very fond of this guy.

You know, when Universe want you to find out something, she’ll leave crumbs for you to find? That was exactly what’s happen. I don’t know why it takes two years to notice that shining talent. All of that experience of Hiddleston are resulting one important conclusion, I must watch Thor: the Dark World whatever it takes. I was prety good at giving influence to other people for going to theatre as soon as possible. And so be it, that night I saw this elegant,charming Loki who is never be the same in my eyes anymore. I am enchanted by an actor named Tom Hiddleston..
 

Now I check on youtube everyday with that cursed keyword and stay giggling at the way he talk, smile, laugh, moves, sing, or simply by his eyes. I could not recall the last time I’ve been so annoying like a teenager at the social media and keep spamming for his videos or pics. I just so close to madness, and I know this is not good for my mental. Fangirling is the root of madness. And I really should stop myself or else I go to see doctor and asking for anxiety prescription.

that eheheheh laughter

But in a bright side, this guy teach me so much about greatness in life. How to be more passionate, how to be true to yourself, how you need to enjoy yourself and laugh a lot, how you should allow yourself to care. This Tom is so adorable, smart, kind and eloquent talker. His voice sound soothing and angelic I can hear of it for entire of my life. Don’t get me wrong, Ben’s voice and accent is worth to worship, but this deep, eloquent, smooth talker Tom is winning my sanity. Did I tell you that he usually wear suit? When he going to do something epic, he always unbuttoned his jacket. And that moment when he did it, I knew something went wrong inside me.

an English man on a suit can do no wrong

Okay, I realize this post won’t do any good for my anxiety but anyway, thank you if you bear to read every single madness I type. I really appreciate it, and I think there’s no strong sign of why should I stop adoring this man. Then, I will continue to download an audiobook read by him..